Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
