I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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