just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wow bdsm is so cute
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize