dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
