How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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