In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
