I wish I could teleport
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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