So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
