my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
