All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
