I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
