I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
