I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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