I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
