You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
