Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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