I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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