Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
