I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
