Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
