I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize