mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
