i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
