dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
