the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
