what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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