At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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