dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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