If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
