I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think your dad took our porno
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
