we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
