Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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