I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
