whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize