Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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