I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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