I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
