The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
