Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
