i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
