After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
