why didn't you poke me back
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
