We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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