ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
