OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
