just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
