So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
