GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize