Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
