well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
