dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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