so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
