you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
