We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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