the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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