I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
