So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
