i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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