I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
