Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
