oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
