Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
