That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
