My room smells like vodka and shame
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
