Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
