he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if only i could text you this smell
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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