I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize