i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
