we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
