I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
