My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
